It’s time to enjoy your favorite fall flavor without the calories, weight gain and COST! You can enjoy a pumpkin spice flavor without derailing yourself from your health and fitness goals. Introducing our limited edition flavor …
This rich and creamy VEGAN shake features notes of pumpkin spice — cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. It’s SO SO tasty on its own, mixed with milk or almond milk for a creamier version, or you can just add to your favorite recipes already. I even really love mine with just water making it a little less dense. Either way, this is going to satisfy us in a whole new #basic way!
Remember when I said it’s not going to derail you? GUILT FREE BABY because it has all the nutritional benefits of Shakeology you’ve come to know and trust. It’s made up with a potent blend of protein, probiotics, digestive enzymes, antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals. Check out the ways this delish smoothie will be helping you out under the surface!
So why Pumpkin Spice Shakeology?
A pumpkin spice latte can cost you over 380 calories and it has very limited nutritional value. I know it makes you feel cute and it’s gram worthy AND I’m not saying you have to STOP having your PSL, but I think making room for THIS will do MORE GOOD than harm. AND hey, it can be gram worthy too!
This is going to give you a foundation for your health while you’re trying to reach your goals.
AND you can drink one a day without having to choose which day of the week you go grab your PSL!
It’s part of my routine that helps me fill the gaps in my diet every day to fuel my body the best way it needs to let go of unwanted weight, break down foods and digest and have less cravings for junk. And like all Shakeology flavors, Pumpkin Spice Shakeology is the result of thousands of hours of research and formulation, a no-compromise approach, and world-class quality assurance. You are 100% getting something that’s tested and tested to be perfect when it arrives at your front door!
It’s launching to U.S. customers on MONDAY! To get on the wait list OR get in our group that’s running until Monday the 17th for PRIZES and TONS of fall recipes leading up to our launch, fill out the form below! It’s going to give you MULTIPLE options for which direction you’d like to go. Even if you just want to learn more and chat more with me.
And by on something I mean the wagon, the horse, the train, whatever you’re calling it these days when you refer to your “healthier” lifestyle.
I’ve seen the wagon (I’m gonna go with that) seriously keep me from moving forward in a lot of areas of my life. But mainly when it came to my fitness and nutrition when I had the goal to really change some things. I was super miserable and really defeated about 35 pounds heavier but more than that, letting a wagon control my life, which by the way is why I was so miserable and defeated.
This wagon has kept many of the girls I work with from seeing the progress they’re TOTALLY capable of. Notice I said progress. Because this really isn’t about an end result. It’s about getting better every day.
First things first, let’s think about it this way: if you were never on something, you literally COULDN’T fall off.
If it didn’t even exist, then falling off wouldn’t either.
And neither would trying to get back on.
So let’s take the wagon off the table, out of our minds, out of sight. It will not serve you AT ALL. I bet you don’t wake up after just kinda a rough day or difficult break that life hits you with and say you’ve fallen off and need to get back on. Nope. You JUST keep going. Because there’s no alternative.
How about looking at it like that; like you have no other choice. I’ll get to the mindset that comes with that, but it’s important that you finally LET GO of the wagon. It’s really only there I think to mess with your head. To give you a reason to tell yourself you’ve failed. To make it seem SO HARD to get back on when in reality — it’s really not.
Did you know you are the one who can control and decide whether or not you think you’ve failed?
Failure REALLY is whenever your result doesn’t match up to whatever pre conceived expectations you had.
I’m not saying lower your expectations or standards or goals. But I am saying that if you fall short, you can decide whether or not you want to say it’s a failure or exactly what it is which is just a moment you can LEARN from.
Maybe it’s a Friday night and you’re heading out with friends and you just started working on creating some balance in your life and making healthier decisions to lose some weight or just feel BETTER in your skin. You go out and you’re totally determined to not have any alcohol or veer from the healthier options you know are on the menu. But you do. Then because you tell yourself you failed and you’re “off the wagon” that gives you permission to stay off and crush the chips and the bottle of wine once you get home too. Then comes Sunday and you know it’s a new week and you can “get back on track” but because you’ve spent the whole weekend feeling “off”, it feels IMPOSSIBLE to make any steps forward. Really ONLY because you spent the whole weekend telling yourself you FAILED. Which isn’t that inspiring if I’m being honest. And it’s definitely why you feel like you can’t get off this hamster wheel.
Speaking from experience because that was me. Rinse and repeat. It was such a vicious cycle. Only most times that would happen and I’d be in my head coaching myself to believe I’d failed for WAY LONGER than a weekend. And don’t get me wrong, I have weekends where I do exactly those things now. Eat whatever I want, have way too much wine. But not as often and there’s not a self loathing party afterward, which makes indulging like WAY MORE FUN. 😉
If there was no wagon and NO option for failure (because you get to decide), I bet you’d take that night and think to yourself, “Ya know what, I know I could’ve done BETTER. But this is a learning experience. And next time I’ll have one less drink and skip the bread before my meal and go home satisfied. Next time I’m not going to put myself down and I bet I make better choices and feel better about myself because of it.”
That is how I learned to THINK.
I can’t tell you how many times in the last 3 years I could’ve told myself over and over “you’ve screwed up!!”
But really what good does that do?
All that you have is the NEXT CHOICE.
You can choose to continue on (not get back on). You can choose to just show up and try harder the next day. AND THEN one day it’s going to feel like second nature. It’s going to feel easy to do those things that once felt so foreign and difficult. You won’t be craving the donuts in the lunch room because you know they’re not really what you need. You won’t skip your workouts because you know how much better you’ll feel. You won’t put yourself down because you know you can overcome anything.
Let GO of the wagon, horse, train and just visualize a road where you can keep laying bricks every day that you can build on and then start laying more than one as you feel stronger. Keep building a strong foundation because THEN you’ll never crumble.
This was still to this day one of my favorite days for many reasons. Darren and I took a little two day trip down to Orlando to see my dad and many men I’ve known my whole life. We got to have dinner with them and then Darren joined in for golf the next day! I got to ride along too!
Besides getting to spend time with two of my fav guys, seeing them have fun together, seeing my guy totally handle the fear and pressure he was feeling (LOL) something I remember most was it being one of Darren and I’s first “road trips” together that brought us so close. We stayed up talking about our future all night and shared so much about ourselves that strengthened our love in a whole new way. It was an amazing way to start a year! We had a blast!
My first birthday (turned 24) away from home and although I was really missing my family and friends (especially my grandpa who I share a birthday with) it was amazing to make all new memories in a whole new way. Since my friend Natalie had actually moved away not long after we became so close, we’d never celebrated together!
PLUS it was sunny and warm here in FL when typically I’m making bday plans around snow storms. To top it all off, I shared it with someone I love so much. It really was the best day. I just watched FRIENDS all day then laughed with friends all night.
I also made the decision to walk away from my bartending job to pursue my coaching business full time. This is in no way a requirement for coaching, but it was a dream and desire of mine to work my butt off for the freedom in return. I still can’t believe I ACTUALLY did it to this day, but what means even more to me is knowing I’ve fought hard for what I have every day since. It’s taught me a lot, I’ve grown a lot, been through a lot but it’s really just prepared me for the goals I have set for this year.
One of my very best friends who I will say went through a lot with me in high school especially came to visit! She’d seen me go through heart break after heart break, one major learning experience after another and really we grew up a lot together. Probably should’ve gotten in more trouble than we ever did but it was SOOOO surreal to host her at my apt in Jacksonville and then spend an evening / night out with her and Darren. I strangely felt so adult. It was the first time something exciting was happening that I didn’t have to worry about taking off work for and it felt amazing. Great times!
Introducing my friend’s kid, Marra. Who is so so so special to me. I’ve watched her grow all year and I am still so excited to see her continue to grow up. This selfie collage about killed my heart! THE CUTENESS! (you’re welcome)
We celebrated my boyfriend’s son’s birthday at the alligator farm! I had been in his life more and more and it was so special to be a part of his big day. He’s a special kid with a big heart and so many people who love him. I absolutely teared up seeing him blow out his candles!!!
ANDDD we went to PUNTA CANA!
Each year my company gives you the opportunity to earn a vacation that’s all inclusive for you AND a guest. It was the first year I achieved all the benchmarks I needed to earn it in full. It was just extra for doing a job I love, helping people become healthier in every way! I must say though, the best part was really being able to treat Darren to it. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, it’s like I fell in love with him 10x’s over on this trip. I don’t know WHAT HAPPENED but he turned into Rico Suave, bonded in a big way with all the other “men” from the team, we danced every single night away and his support for me and what I do grew massively. We left the country together and made it through all the mayhem with minimal arguments (HAHA!) and it was just an experience I’ll never forget. It was a first of many!
We had so much fun with some of our closest friends! Some who we hadn’t met until this trip but really the BEST people! I feel so blessed to know you all!
I also got to spend Easter on the BEACH! Can’t say I’ve ever done that but it was an amazing one for sure!
My sister graduated AND got engaged …. ON THE SAME DANG DAY!
It was sooooooooo amazing. She’s worked her butt off for that moment and she really did find her match. She took the long way around when it comes to education and knowing what you want, but I so admire her perseverance because she’s exactly where she’s meant to be. Now she’s living in Maryland teaching and her wedding is in June! I’m not sure when we grew up, but I think it’s safe to say – we’re grown up! I’m so happy for her!
My momma came to visit!!! We had so much fun on this trip. Going to the beach, eating as much as we possibly could, painting my furniture and so on and so forth. It also meant a lot to me that she got to spend more time with Darren! She even got me hooked on a new show! (Good Behavior on TNT!!! Umm — amazing!) My mom and I’s one on one time has always been special to me because it really was both of us for so long! I love you mom!
Darren and I also celebrated our one year anniversary! I left it totally up to him for our plans and he knocked it out of the park. We’re “experience” people! He took me to a dance class for the very first time and I legit couldn’t stop smiling the entire time lol! I LOVE being surprised too and he did so good! This night however ended with a pretty big blow up fight. Maybe it was one of those ironic things being it was our anniversary but it was a pivotal moment in our relationship. We’d not communicated up until that point about a LOT that we were facing but after both pushing up our sleeves and realizing we needed to not just love each other, but WORK on the relationship we wanted – things changed in a big way. It was a wake up call and one I’m grateful for. We both learned a lot and we’ll definitely NEVER forget that anniversary!
Wowza, what a month! Traveled to New Orleans for our annual Coach Summit! I had the honor to accompany my BFF and coach to the elite reception for our team earning Elite (and her totally kicking ass) so I felt like a TOTAL princess in her dress as well! She offered it to me to just try on and well, I died. It was so much fun! We got to learn from the BEST in our business, grow astronomically and I left there changed. This year, we’re headed in Indianapolis!
More besties came to visit and we moved in together!!! Talk about a week for the books. I’ve known Mariah for literally as long as I can remember and her hubby Josh, well he’s watched over me since he started dating Mariah our freshman year of high school. I didn’t necessarily have much young love and definitely didn’t date any guys as great as Joshie so we became a little family. I sorta third wheeled a lot. (thanks guys) But again, having them here, hosting them, getting to show them around my new world with Darren was like heart exploding emojis everywhere! I couldn’t wait for them to get to know the guy who had my heart and bring him into our family! It was SO MUCH FUN! We definitely ate our faces off and Sunday funday’d rather hard.
Right after they left, we spent our first night living together officially! GOSH it was so crazy to believe but I tear up now thinking about NOT saying good night and good morning to him every day. Like I said, we knew we had some good old communication to work on and we did and still do! It’s a constant which I learned this year! Now looking back, I forget what it’s like to not live with him. (ok, I’m done before I get too emosh)
Our roadtrip to WV!!!! I’m emotional! LOL! Looking back on these pictures, I’m like this trip FRICKIN ROCKED!
Seriously, I am blown away by the serious fam time I got to have this fall. All because of that terrifying thing I did back in February and all the hard work and growth after it. This freedom brought so many memories. Got to take Darren to his first Mountaineer football game with tailgating and a trip to Keglers (the bar I worked at all through college) after!
Complete with cookouts with mom and dad, golfing and of course some hot tubbing! We had breakfast every day with my grandparents at our local diner (The Cotton Patch) and made it out to my other grandparents for a day of more eating and a look at some guns! (Yes I thought my pap was intimidating Darren at first) Such an amazing trip!
My best welcomed home her hubby! This was unforgettable for many reasons, but I felt this insane amount of gratitude in the air especially this month. He got to see his little girl who has turned into a total fire cracker, hug his wifey again and just sit on his couch and watch TV which had to be such a luxury after being deployed. The joy in my friend, Natalie’s, heart had to be immeasurable. It was an amazing day to see them reunited! THEN we all got to just soak up that love all weekend. Family, friends, laughter — it was special. I’m grateful to have such good friends!
I got a surprise 100 dollar bill in the mail from THE Ceo of our company! I had reached a certain benchmark at the end of September that I seriously had no clue I was even close to reaching. Just to know that I’m over here every day working to help others become better and the guy who started this with his mission NOTICES and then pays it forward even MORE! It was so surreal.
I also for the first time and the last time painted my face for Halloween. It took me longer to do it than we stayed out that night. A chill tex mex dinner for Halloween goes down in the books for me.
I traveled way more than I thought this year haha! To Tennessee for Thanksgiving then to WV to see my Dad get married! I will admit, I was nervous about my first road trip with our dog and Darren’s son who is 7. I was like how the heck will I keep them entertained for 11 hours!? Cue some anxiety lol! But I swear, it’s like Darren breathes calm into me. He totally is the calm to my storm and we rocked it. I really did love spending the holiday with his loving family, meeting his brother for the first time, seeing Opryland, and really knowing even though I wasn’t with my family, I was still right where I felt I belonged. Boston even took an interest in the guitar and some singing. We had a lot of fun this trip and boy did Boston save me when I was driving and needed to stay awake!
Back to WV I went and it was another FULL, fun trip! I got to go with my mom to visit where my sister now lived in Maryland! We had so much fun exploring but the best part was we found a Speakeasy.
Yes, we had to press the book shelf and behind it was a bar. Then that weekend we got to see my dad get married! He really did find a woman who loves him dearly and he can be himself around. The wedding was absolutely gorgeous and it was a memorable day for love. SO happy for them both!
I also got to meet for the very first time some of the girls I coach. THIS was a night that reminded me how special bringing people together to fight for their best life is. I loved this so much. I am so grateful to know you girls!!!
A white Christmas in WV followed by a fun New Year’s in here in Florida. I was struggling with leaving Darren and his son for the holiday, but we knew it was best for our families. And I really DID get so much quality time in with so many. When I look back on the week, I was exhausted but for good reason. And as I look back on this year, even though I moved away from home, I feel like I spent more time and grew closer to everyone back home because I CHERISH the time we spend together now. It’s a whole new kind of gratitude. I got to see snow and all. Then coming back Darren’s family was here and we both got to stay in to ring in the new year. I’ve always been bartending or gone out for new years. I really can’t remember the last time I was just on my couch in my pj’s! But I made as many appetizers and finger foods as I could think of, we got the kids some sparklers and horns, the adults had champagne and the kids got sparking juice and it was one of the best I’ve ever had. No muss, no fuss — just food and family. I felt so grateful to be surrounded by that and to really take a moment before the new year and soak in all that 2017 brought with it.
It was an incredible year. Especially now as I look back like that, I am even MORE grateful for everything this year had to hold. May we all take what we learned, what we lost and what we gained into a new year to make it even better than before! Happy 2018!!!
FULL TRANSPARENCY: I’ve been nervous, scared but excited for this new program – 80 Day Obsession! It’s definitely going to be different than anything I’ve ever done! And am I right when I say we so quickly fear new or different, but I really want you to just let your guard down for a few and totally picture yourself feeling the fear but doing it anyway. Because you’re no longer your 2017 self. You’re basing this off of who you want to BECOME in 2018!
I am looking to you if you are ready to #breakfree from any limiting beliefs, or bad habits you’ve picked up, or the mediocrity you’re settling for in your life, the weight, the anxiety, the depression. You’re ready to no longer base your future off your past. If you weren’t motivated before, doesn’t matter. If you’ve never been committed this long before, doesn’t matter. If you’ve failed before, doesn’t matter. I’ve heard so much already that people feel like they can’t based on what’s happened before in their past and truly not seeing this as the opportunity to prove to themselves they CAN! This program is about a MOVEMENT in our lives. I am scared, trust me! If you are too then this is perfect for you! I say that because this will not be a quick fix, but instead a process where we learn about really changing our life for the best, becoming obsessed with the process and progress!
So if you’re just tuning in for the first time and already gulping or you’ve worked with me before or been following me for awhile and you had even a glimmer of “I’m not enough..” pop up in your mind, then I not only want you to do this for you but especially with ME! I have every intention of breaking down my own limiting beliefs through this and not just in terms of my size or shape, but in my professional and personal life too, in every area of my life that can rise up. Although, I can’t deny how excited I am to build a BAD booty! The purpose of this program is to take it one day at a time.
We’ve been able to sample a sneak peek into the workouts through A Little Obsessed which I tried out earlier in November and will be airing again on December 20th! My goodness they were fun! They gave us a sneak peek into what the workout styles are like! You will also have the chance to get your own sneak peek Dec. 20 – 24 AND all of the SPECIFIC workout equipment you need will be included no matter what route you go.
It truly feels like Autumn is your own personal trainer training you at the gym! Since you have the luxury of streaming your workouts anytime, anywhere from either your laptop, computer, Roku, Apple TV, Chromecast, iPad — the convenience factor is through the ROOF! It’s really the only reason I’ve stayed consistent this long. SO this brings the feeling of being there with your friends working out as the other cast members are being trained by her on screen! She says the right things at the right moments! Guys. 80 different workouts. You’ll never do the same one twice!!! I will also share a quote that said it BEST from test group member, Kristina Delgado: “Here’s an interesting observation: If Autumn charges $150 per hour for her services as personal trainer—80 Day Obsession is tantamount to over $11,000 worth of personal training. How crazy is that?!?!”
CRAZY. Even crazier once you realize how much you’re saving in this promotional period too!
There are 3 phases and they intensify as you go! Which means you’ll get stronger and you’ll sculpt even MORE! However, I will state that I have read this is not necessarily a place you begin in your fitness journey. Do I think it will be impossible for you? Nope! But I also know we have many, many options for you to get started with (shorter style programs) that will be a perfect seg way into this! If you have even a little fitness or athletic experience under your belt, you’re ready. No matter how advanced or intermediate you are, this will be challenging and it’s meant to be! We’re here to #breakfree remember?! We will be utilizing resistance loops, sliders and weights!
It’s all timed out! Ever heard of it? I used to have absolutely NO idea how to eat! Seriously. I thought salads would help me reach my 35+ pound weight loss goal but my body was seriously dying for more nutrients and it always back fired. I got bored. I never found healthy eating to be satisfying. Until I learned how insanely simple it actually is. All you have to do is eat the right amounts of the right foods and add in some extra nutrients along the way to give your body what it NEEDS to be it’s best. It actually wants more and more whole nutrition and craves greens. I know, trust me. I never thought I’d see the day. But I’ve never felt better since uncovering this.
And the program utilizes this portioning system, which is very easy to understand thanks to color coded perfectly portioned out containers along with the nutritional supplement, Shakeology! (more on that later) The meals, the foods, are timed out specifically throughout the day. Like I said before, I was nervous about this! Then I thought, well wait?! Won’t that simplify things even more. We not only have the exact food lists and portions, but now we know when to eat what to see our best results. Sure it may feel challenging at first, you may feel overwhelmed, you may have to rearrange some things in your life, but there is freedom to be found in discipline. Oh and RESULTS! Insane results! So give it a chance. Is what you’re doing right now really making you feel the way you want to feel? Then let’s get to planning and evolving girlfran.
Coming from someone who used to laugh at healthy eating, I really will credit my mental wellness (aside from my 35 pound weight loss) to the good food I now consume. Once your body gets a taste of what good really feels like, it’ll want it more and more!
A Chance to be in the Official Test Group with creator and trainer Autumn Calabrese! (say what?!)
So what’s a test group? WELL! When this program launched before any of us actually knew about it yet, there were specific people selected to “test” the program before it was released! They followed it to be the first results, the people who got to show “HEY THIS WORKS!” They were coached personally by Autumn! They got a very incredible experience throughout it but talk about accountability. Now for the very first time ever, we’re opening up a group for YOU to test this as it drops to the public and have the opportunity to be featured in the infomercial. If you’d like more info on this, please don’t hesitate! I will tell you, if you’re going to do this, I believe this is the way. I mean when will you get the chance to go through a program and test it for the public, do it with the trainer who created it walking you through it, create the bonds with the people along your side and see insane results from kicking A$$?! I’m not sure when soooo…!
First of all. A chocolate smoothie while you’re following a “no cake” meal plan. I MEAN! Or vanilla, cafe latte, strawberry, tropical green berry and so on. OH the recipes!!! It’s seriously a dessert I look forward to every day. But you’re looking at the biggest shakeology skeptic — ever. Or at least I was. I had no intentions of ever incorporating it and every time I tried a program, even with the portioning — I FAILED. And here‘s why! Ever wonder why you’re like still dying to crush cookies at night or make that Taco Bell run when you’re trying to be healthier. Or why you’re not all the way filled up with the plan that’s best for you? What I’ve learned, from the co-creator himself, is our bodies need WAY MORE than even 8 salads can give it. So what happens when your body isn’t fueled the way it needs to be? It stores fat or won’t let go of it because it feels deprived, it’s panicking. You’re also craving those crazy things because it’s not fully satisfied AND you crave what you eat. So when you incorporate over 70 superfoods and 24 vitamins minerals into your daily diet, well — you tend to make different decisions the rest of the day too! So while I was skeptical 2 years ago, I will tell you NOW that it’s changed my entire life. Mainly because it truly works on your insides which in turn you see a change in a much bigger and lasting way on the outside. I not only lost the weight but have become the healthiest I’ve ever been and consistently. It will play a HUGE role in your success in this program and any lifestyle goals you have. You will need this to keep your body fueled in a way that even the best meal plan can’t do! It will fill in the gaps for you and satisfy that sweet tooth! 😉
One last detail!
Our performance line is playing a vital role in the completion and results being shown in this program! The two highly recommended products are a pre workout (energize) and post workout (recover)!
Energize is pictured here! It tastes like lemonade, I look forward to it before my workouts, and it doesn’t make me all CRAZY like a cup of coffee even does. There is a good boost without the dangerous, jittery side effects. It is all natural, uses a powerful combination of ergogenic (performance enhancing) ingredients and phytonutrients that are scientifically proven to improve exercise performance, sharpen your focus and delay muscle fatigue! That means you’ll be able to push through longer and harder and the results will show it. I started using this product about a year ago and I did see a change in my results, but also in my workouts. I started to enjoy them more, I was able to stay more focused and use better form because of it AND it’s the ultimate accountability. Once I drink this, it’s GO TIME!
The post workout, recover, is going to help you show up again the next day with the same power you had the day before. You know how hard it is to push through another workout due to soreness, let alone get motivated to do it because you can’t walk (lol)! Well, this helps repair your muscles, tastes like Nesquik (and the orange flavor tastes like a creamsicle) and is better than just a simple protein. It helps reduce muscle breakdown, support your muscle growth, fight exercise induced muscle soreness, and jumpstart your body’s natural rebuilding process so you can come back better and stronger. These are highly recommended for best results and honestly to just enjoy yourself more. It’s also important to take care of your body and this is the best way how.
I know that may have seemed like a lot! But I wanted to be as open with you as possible. Now I’d LOVE to hear from you whether you’re in or out. Just to see how you’re feeling. I have only heard from everyone who’s in that they’re scared but EXCITED! So I’m telling you it’s okay to feel the doubts, but don’t let them win. The whole point of this 80 day process is to finally change that thinking and change your LIFE because of it. Also, please don’t feel like you have to do this alone.There are MANY ways to save during this PRE LAUNCH we’re hosting right now that you can take advantage of! You will be saving hundreds and I’m not exaggerating! Below is a form for you to fill out if you are at all interested in working with me through this and the exclusive group to work with Autumn Calabrese or even just want to learn more! That is not a requirement, but an opportunity of a lifetime. I look forward to hearing from you and helping you change your life in the most RAD way possible!
I hope you have an amazing holiday! And I hope we can connect in some way! Below are some of the amazing transformations from people who truly DID overcome so much to see these results. Keep in mind that change doesn’t come without challenge, but the challenge is what changes you! I don’t think they’re regretting it.
I feel like I’ve been trying to write this for awhile. But to be honest, it’s not always easy to explain or try to make sense of why my mind literally wants to make me miserable, why I feel like I can’t control where it’s going and what the heck that feels like. Cause it doesn’t feel good.
So I’m not writing this to tell someone what to do, to tell them what they feel is right or wrong, or to even give you a solution, but I am writing this to tell you that you’re not alone and that I am doing certain things that are helping. I am putting one foot in front of the other and in some way, I know you can do that too; in whatever way you need.
Since I came out of the womb I think I was a “worrier”. I felt my bedroom was too far from my parent’s growing up so as a kid (not baby or toddler) so I had them put a baby monitor in my room and in their’s just in case something happened and they couldn’t hear me. I wouldn’t sleep under my window. I created a silk, see through cover for my doorway of my room so I could still sleep with my door open but try to keep the wasps out during the summer. I am actually so terrified of wasps that I jumped out of an unparked vehicle (that was my Dad’s) to escape one; which in turn crashed through my Mother’s fence – but that’s a story for a different day. I created a fire escape plan for my family. I wouldn’t stay at friends’ houses. I wouldn’t go to school when I was younger. I hated it, feared it, worried about literally EVERYTHING about it. Until some days I just didn’t and then other days I just did. And then I didn’t and then I did. Some days I was okay, some days I wasn’t. And I must say, so much confusion and suffering has gone on in my life because of the “sometimes is and sometimes isn’t” moments. These feelings came on YOUNG so I will say I’ve spent my entire life trying to sift through them and worst of all; having anxiety about having anxiety. The moment your mind goes in a direction that scares you or feels weird, or you get that ONE negative thought and it spirals because even when I’d come out of that – I’d WORRY about it happening again.
This has come and go. It could be a chemical imbalance, it could be hormonal, or it could just be ME. Who I AM. But I do feel like I have a choice in how I handle the way my mind works, how I handle the way I live IN SPITE of my past and moments of true exhausting worry where I’m led to totally wanting to escape via passing out. We all have a choice and I hope I can shed some light to help you better understand that you DO and you can make it at any moment. You’re always stronger than you think.
It flares up every now and again. Mainly when I let it and then feed it. For example, these last few months it’s been very evident. MAINLY because so much NEW is going on in my life. I’m pushed outside of what feels comfortable everyday. But I say flare up because it does feel like a rash or an illness. If a rash flares up and you keep scratching and scratching, I bet it gets worse. I BET it spreads. I bet it takes over your whole body. THAT is how anxiety has felt for me. It’s taken me to a place where I don’t even recognize myself, where I can’t even tell what’s real and what’s my effed up mind playing tricks on me out of fear and worry (that are also not real btw). It’s tough because just like any aggressive rash, you have to catch it early to really keep it from doing a lot of damage. You can’t feed the beast in other words. You have to learn how to silence it EARLY and QUICKLY before it sets up camp in your brain for who knows how long to make you think who knows what. It’s incredibly tough and again, I’m speaking from MY OWN experiences here.
I’m speaking on what I GO through so in no way am I trying to tell you that if you don’t feel the way I feel, it doesn’t count. One of the HARDEST things about the way I feel sometimes is how isolating it is because I don’t know HOW to even make sense of this to someone else. And often when someone who has no idea how it feels to battle this their whole life tries to tell you it could be this or it could be that — well that’s hard too. Why? Well for me, it creates MORE anxiety in my mind and life making me question who I am!
Hence why I’m writing this. I wanted to get my mind and my life out there. I wanted to remind myself that it’s ok to not be ok, but it’s NOT OK to stay that way. Again, it’s a constant battle and I may lose some fights but I won’t lose the war. I know that. I’m aware of that. And I work on somehow NOT letting myself think about it day in and day out while also thinking about it to stay ahead of it and stay aware of it. Much of what I was doing was filling my head with what if’s. Things I literally couldn’t make sense of. Imagining myself just totally failing, totally falling, totally breaking down into a panic attack during a very comfortable and normal time. Being distant from ones I love to protect myself from having those thoughts. Being halted with overwhelm when it came to literally putting a foot on the floor in the mornings.
And then when I was avoiding growth because well, it would probably make me anxious and question everything in my life and I just wasn’t in the mood that day, I sat down and watched a speech given by Mel Robbins anyway. I know every day, no matter what, I’ll never give up, ever. That I will always come out on the other side, that I have so much to be grateful for, so it was time to start living that way, being in control and feeling the strength to fight off this BS in my brain. I watched a speech and sobbed during the close. She shared how she too had probably come out of the woom a worrier. She had panic attacks often and had been on medication for years and years. She’s now medication free and uses a simple method that literally TRICKS her brain out of the anxiousness.
She counts to 5-4-3-2-1 and CHOOSES what she wants to focus on. Did you know that ACTUALLY your body feels the same sensations when it’s anxious as it does when it’s excited. So really it’s up to YOU to decide which you’ll choose. Now let me inform you that I’ve tried all KINDS of focus exercises and nothing’s worse that expecting something to change after trying it once and when it doesn’t just TOTALLY feeling even more defeated. That’s been me in this area of my life. I finally realized one workout wouldn’t get the weight off and one date wasn’t going to bring me my soul mate (although it kinda did in this case) but I learned that you gotta water and nurture EVERYTHING in life. The same went for this exercise. I couldn’t just keep working through the anxiousness and then stop and hold my breath til it came back. It had to become a daily practice, something I kept my faith in every single second of the day, because over time, things WILL change with commitment and dedication to your better self on the other side.
I will say, I have stopped myself more times in the last week or so and said 5-4-3-2-1 ‘STOP SABOTAGING YOURSELF’ than I have in my whole life. When we ACTUALLY stop and hear what we’re saying to ourselves, or what I’ve been saying to myself lately, I’m literally like disappointed. I’m reminded it doesn’t have to be real unless I want it to be. I say (in my head usually lol!!) “5-4-3-2-1 choose love and not the fear you have from your past.” “5-4-3-2-1 choose to believe you’re strong and you’re alive and well! You can do anything!” or “5-4-3-2-1 you’re EXCITED not full of anxiety” and finally “5-4-3-2-1 do not judge your tomorrow based on today. Grow your life in this moment, don’t kill it!” I’m just naming a few that have been so helpful. Because when Mel Robbins asked what would you think of yourself if a loud speaker was attached to your mind every single day? I thought, I’d think “that’s not who I want to be.”
As I come back to this passage after a few weeks have gone by, I’m happy to report that I THINK being open with myself changed everything. Now I’m so excited to be open with all of you. You know, something like this living inside you can feel debilitating. It’s not fair to question yourself or fear what others will think because you’re not who they thought you were. One of the biggest reasons I was so afraid of ever shedding THIS much light on this is fearing people wouldn’t believe me. CRAZY right? Mainly because I HAVE spent so much of my life finding ways to work around it, avoiding it, actually putting myself down for some of these moments, sweeping them under the rug and putting on the bravest face I could find. For a few years, one that was brought on by alcohol. But you can put on a brave face EVEN when you’re hurting, when you’re healing. It doesn’t have to be because you’re hiding something. But instead you’re owning who you are and taking a step anyway.
I truly have felt a shift in my life since writing this. And I mean it when I say I’ve come along way on a personal growth journey in the last 2 years. But no matter what, we always have to be open to dealing with the next “monster” that knocks on our door, which I really wasn’t doing recently. As much growth as I’ve felt and seen, I still needed to really own this side of my story. And maybe the expression is truly what I needed. To not have it weighing on my heart and soul anymore, to not continue to feel ashamed but start working through the fact that if anxiety is my monster, I’ll grow bigger and stronger. Instead of pretending it’s not there, hiding from it, wishing it away and only SOMETIMES acknowledging it. I’m full blown accepting what I struggle with and therefore — beating it more and more each day. Really it’s in the tiniest moments. I haven’t felt like I was drowning in a few weeks. My smile feels different. I’m happier around my friends, boyfriend, family. I’m making better choices for myself and seeing positive outcomes instead of negative ones. Because you know what worrying all the time can do to you, make you feel like you don’t deserve all the happiness, love and success in the world. But I decided I didn’t want that.
My faith in God has played a huge role. Creating a STRONGER relationship with him and knowing in my heart that whatever it is, I can give it to him. Taking control of my physical health daily with exercise and recently just feeling a difference from even a change in diet is affecting my mind. It’s SO REAL!!! (more on all of this later) Being more open with myself and not being the first to judge myself but the first to lend myself a hand. Also really paying close attention to my energy, my body language, staying really aware of where my mind’s at. But NOT in a way of worrying about worry but in a proactive way of staying in a place that serves me, that is LOVE focused, joy focused and LIFE centered.
Thank you for listening. Let’s go on this wild ride together. I plan on never letting my foot off the gas and pretending it’s gone because monster’s can always come back in the dark if we let our light burn out.
Well, if you know anything about my momma or me, you know we love to eat!
But I’m finding (and I won’t say in my older age) that by sharing those tastes that are so near and dear to me, I’m truly finding the real meaning behind good eats!
Originally, these eggs cups were wrapped in ham! But I didn’t have any so I decided to line the muffin pan with turkey bacon! Don’t forget to add a little non stick spray first.
Then I used about one egg per cup (beating them first) and filled each one. You can use anything with it that you’d like, but I chose basil, spinach, tomato and mozzarella cheese. I baked it at 350 for about 30 minutes!
NOW if you’re like me, you love crispy bacon. It didn’t get as crispy as I would’ve liked in the muffin pan so for the last 10 minutes I moved the egg cups to a cookie sheet so the bacon could get a little more done!
All depends on preference!
I grabbed these and ate them just like a muffin.
PLUS you can make them in bulk and have them all week for breakfast, lunch or dinner.